Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
They took my balls.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
