ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
