She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
