I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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