I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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