why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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