it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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