Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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