I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
