Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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