Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
