My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
