fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
