this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Semen is not good for contacts.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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