is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
