I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
