you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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