i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
