I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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