I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
