I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize