He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
