He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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