I just pynch a tree in the face
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize