I have demons in me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
