??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
In America we eat man semen.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
