my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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