I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
did i just pee glitter
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize