Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize