He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
