She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
