yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
