my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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