Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
