Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
