you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She even gives head with a lisp.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
