it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
