i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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