WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
