it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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