There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
