dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So squirting runs in the family.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
