my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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