so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
