I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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