Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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