i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
