He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
