he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
