I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
