I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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