yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize