Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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