what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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