Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
