im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
