So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
