Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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