We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
