Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
