dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
