i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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