you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
