I hate your face
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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