I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize