I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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