Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
